Archive for the ‘Commercial Television’ Category

Hot For Cleaner

17Feb19

Things didn’t go according to plan when one of my single workmates booked a hot cleaner. He saw the image of a very attractive young girl advertising home cleaning services online. She was a lot more expensive than the other cleaners he’d got quotes from but he decided to book her to clean his flat […]


Mack Nuggets

16Feb19

I went to a radio station reunion this weekend. It was BRMB’s 45th reunion at Bacchus Bar in Birmingham. I worked there from March 99 to January 02. I caught up with James Blonde and Ollie Hayes who’ve got hairier and balder respectively… Everyone has got older except Les Ross who should be 70 now […]


Why do we have to speak Italian for ONE WORD? That’s what happens when you order a coffee. I drink black decaf, so I don’t need to know the difference between a cappuccino, frappuccino, cup-a-tea-no, macchiato, mocha soccer, happy shopper, snotty, spotty moriarty, Russell Harty, it’s-my-party or farty latte, but I do have to order […]


Is it offensive to homeless people? On my way to work the other morning, I saw two people sleeping rough at the South Bank entrance to Blackfriars station. I say “rough”, they didn’t look like they were down and out. They had sleeping bags that looked brand new and nice backpacks that they were using […]


Mars Attacks

03Feb19

Alexa doesn’t like me. When we first got Amazon’s virtual assistant, about a year ago, she was fine. Now she’s gone off me. She prefers Julie’s voice to mine. Alexa has started behaving like a moody teenager. Often when I ask her a question, she just ignores me. When Julie asks, she’s straight onto it. […]


Phonies

27Jan19

Why aren’t presenters on music radio stations putting callers on the air? I read a tweet this week from @Aircheck, the social networking site for radio. They were asking if a person who calls in with traffic information should be referred to on the air as a “listener” or a “caller”. I replied with, “Why […]


Mystery solved but it shouldn’t have take this long! For weeks now, we’ve had this annoying noise in the hallway of our new build flat. It sounds like it’s coming from the wall that separate us from our next door neighbour. The builders have been, turned off all of the power in our flat and […]


In the 90s, the biggest commercial radio Breakfast Show in the UK was Russ & Jono on Virgin. They had millions of listeners and won just about every major award going. Now they’re back and they’re on Fix Radio. All of their classic features have returned including, ‘House Of Crap’, ‘Sad But True’, ‘Dumb Crime […]


Jumping to conclusions can get you into a lot of trouble. The weird noise in the hallway of our new build apartment has become even more mysterious. When the builders came to investigate, they switched off all of the power in our place and the noise continued, so it must be the people in the […]


The weird noise in the hallway of our new build apartment is still there! The builders have been, switched off all of the power in our place and the noise continues. This confirms that it’s coming from our neighbours. The other side of the wall is their bathroom, what are they doing in there day […]


The weird noise in the hallway of our new build apartment stopped! We were disappointed because the builders had booked to go into our neighbours flat to investigate. We called the builders and told them not to bother because the noise had gone. The next day, the noise was back. Was that just a coincidence […]


The Heat is On

06Jan19

Every time I put something in the oven it reminds me of a classic George Carlin bit about the concept of a “preheated” oven. George said… “It’s ridiculous! There are only two states an oven can possibly exist in, heated or unheated!” I don’t get it either, surely, putting the food in AFTER you’ve heated […]


This is the strange noise in the hallway of our new apartment. It’s been going non-stop for over a month now. It sounds like it’s coming from the other side of the wall which is next door’s bathroom. We’ve asked them and they say they have no idea what it is either. The builders came […]


Mack Nuggets

16Dec18

Here’s what I’ve been up to on Fix Radio in London, including: International intrigue Farts in the jungle A scammer gets scammed Lost love Badger and the drone A neighbourhood dispute Your life as a movie Sex in a churchyard Darren hates criminal talk Sex on a beach Mistaken identity Neighbour from hell Attacked by […]


Mack Nuggets

02Dec18

Here’s what I’ve been up to on Fix Radio in London lately, including: A Farting story Going back Words that Darren hates A Rip Off stories Fireworks embarrassment How tomato sauce became portable The story of a stolen heart How to steal a Picasso Craic on! If you enjoyed this Craic, please click “like” and […]


What will happen on the day I get caught for fare dodging?


I’m going to give up radio and become an international art thief. Right now, I’m the Programme Director at Fix Radio in London. The radio station is in Bankside, not far from the Tate Modern. Every lunchtime this week, I’ve been going over there and looking at the art. I’ve started thinking about how hard […]


No one likes to be lied to, so it’s especially annoying when someone writes to you and there’s a lie in the first line. I opened a letter today from Nick Lane, the Managing Director of Customer Care at BT. It said, “Hello Graham, You’re eligible for an ultrafast upgrade. It’s an exclusive deal we’ve […]


Paris is the city of love, so where better for Julie and I to go and celebrate our 31st wedding anniversary? If you’re planning to visit the most romantic city on earth, I hope this blog will give you some ideas and inspiration for your trip. After work on Friday night we got on the […]


Hippy Dippy

23Sep18

I don’t get yoga, more to the point, I don’t get people who “go to yoga”. Hey, I like meditation, it’s better than sitting around and doing nothing. – That’s an old joke and I love the truth in it. One of the BEST things about meditation is that it IS sitting around doing nothing. […]