Archive for the ‘AFTRS’ Category

The Heat is On

06Jan19

Every time I put something in the oven it reminds me of a classic George Carlin bit about the concept of a “preheated” oven. George said… “It’s ridiculous! There are only two states an oven can possibly exist in, heated or unheated!” I don’t get it either, surely, putting the food in AFTER you’ve heated […]


This is the strange noise in the hallway of our new apartment. It’s been going non-stop for over a month now. It sounds like it’s coming from the other side of the wall which is next door’s bathroom. We’ve asked them and they say they have no idea what it is either. The builders came […]


Phoney Fart

31Dec18

  “Oh, I thought you farted!”. That’s what Julie said last night as we sat on the couch watching telly and I reached into my pocket and got out my mobile phone which had just vibrated to let me know I had a text. Next time I need to fart on the couch, I won’t […]


Cell Phones

28Dec18

Prison reform has gone too far. All inmates in England will have 24-hour access to a phone soon. 50 jails will have landlines fitted to every cell before March 2020 and eventually all 118 prisons in England will have phones in cells. It’s another barmy policy that’s been pushed through by do-gooders and snivel- libertarians. […]


Secret Sound

27Dec18

What the hell is this buzz? This mysterious noise in the hallway of our new apartment never goes away. It started about a month ago and is more noticeable at night. At first I thought it was a neighbour’s fridge or freezer but it doesn’t cycle on and off, it’s continuous. The other side of […]


Ticket To Snide

24Dec18

My train was cancelled this morning due to “a lack of available trains”. What does that mean? The trains aren’t “available”, did they have other plans today? I wonder if we’re given the real reason for delays and cancellations or if Thameslink have a random excuse generator. Since I’ve been commuting to London Blackfriars from […]


Mack Nuggets

16Dec18

Here’s what I’ve been up to on Fix Radio in London, including: International intrigue Farts in the jungle A scammer gets scammed Lost love Badger and the drone A neighbourhood dispute Your life as a movie Sex in a churchyard Darren hates criminal talk Sex on a beach Mistaken identity Neighbour from hell Attacked by […]


If I didn’t bunk into 1st class every day, I would have to stand. I travel on the 7:11 Thameslink from Hitchin to London Blackfriars every weekday. It doesn’t bother me that I don’t have a first class ticket. My monthly season ticket is £409.40 and that’s supposed to include a seat so the only […]


Mack Nuggets

02Dec18

Here’s what I’ve been up to on Fix Radio in London lately, including: A Farting story Going back Words that Darren hates A Rip Off stories Fireworks embarrassment How tomato sauce became portable The story of a stolen heart How to steal a Picasso Craic on! If you enjoyed this Craic, please click “like” and […]


What will happen on the day I get caught for fare dodging?


I’m going to give up radio and become an international art thief. Right now, I’m the Programme Director at Fix Radio in London. The radio station is in Bankside, not far from the Tate Modern. Every lunchtime this week, I’ve been going over there and looking at the art. I’ve started thinking about how hard […]


Mack Nuggets

12Nov18

Here’s what I’ve been up to on Fix Radio lately, including; Fancy Dress, The Movie of Your Life, Mistaken Identity, Neighbours, Animal Attack, Blags and Scams. Craic on! If you enjoyed this Craic, please click “like” and tweet a link. Listen to the latest Mack Nuggets at; http://www.mackmedia.co.uk/8th-mack-nuggets-audio-video


No one likes to be lied to, so it’s especially annoying when someone writes to you and there’s a lie in the first line. I opened a letter today from Nick Lane, the Managing Director of Customer Care at BT. It said, “Hello Graham, You’re eligible for an ultrafast upgrade. It’s an exclusive deal we’ve […]


I won’t be playing Britain’s favourite Christmas song on the radio. “Fairytale of New York” by The Pogues is consistently voted Britain’s most popular Christmas song but thanks to a ruling by the broadcast regulator, Ofcom, I won’t be playing it on London’s Fix Radio, the radio station for builders and tradespeople. In August this […]


Paris is the city of love, so where better for Julie and I to go and celebrate our 31st wedding anniversary? If you’re planning to visit the most romantic city on earth, I hope this blog will give you some ideas and inspiration for your trip. After work on Friday night we got on the […]


Hippy Dippy

23Sep18

I don’t get yoga, more to the point, I don’t get people who “go to yoga”. Hey, I like meditation, it’s better than sitting around and doing nothing. – That’s an old joke and I love the truth in it. One of the BEST things about meditation is that it IS sitting around doing nothing. […]


It’s amazing how some slogans perfectly fit the product or service they’re attached to. I’m on a sim only deal with my phone and pay £20 a month for 20 gigabytes of data. I only use 6 gigabytes. My current contract is coming to an end so I called and asked for a deal with […]


The King And I

25Aug18

When you get to a certain level of wealth and power you must think you can control everything and everyone around you. I was driving along the King’s Road, Chelsea the other day. A bloke holding a shopping bag was stood on the painted broken line in the middle of the road. As I got […]


Nothing Is Real

19Aug18

Everything is not as it seems. You get to do some interesting stuff when you’re the Program Director of Fix Radio, the Commercial Radio Station in London for builders. Saturday morning, I was invited to the filming of a commercial for one of our advertisers Hitachi, who make power tools, as they are changing their […]


Radio newsreaders are rubbish when it comes to reporting about Space. Yesterday I heard a news presenter on a commercial station say, “It’s back to the drawing board for Nasa”. Immediately I thought that something catastrophic had happened to the rocket that was due to carry the Parker Solar Probe into space. It turned out […]