Ultrafast And Loose With The Truth



No one likes to be lied to, so it’s especially annoying when someone writes to you and there’s a lie in the first line.

I opened a letter today from Nick Lane, the Managing Director of Customer Care at BT. It said, “Hello Graham, You’re eligible for an ultrafast upgrade. It’s an exclusive deal we’ve made just for you”.

Just for me, really? Out of the 9.28 million UK retail broadband subscribers, Nick Lane has decided that only Graham Mack is eligible for this deal?

The letter goes on, “Get the UK’s first and only broadband with a 100Mb speed guarantee, even at peak times, for a monthly price of only £44.99”. We’re so confident in our connection that we’re putting our money where our mouth is. – if your speeds drop below 100mbps we’ll give you £20 back”.

I’m not sure you understand how basic business transactions work Nick. If I pay you £44.99 for something and you don’t give it to me, I would expect to get £44.99 back, not £20.

To answer the question you asked at the end of your letter, no, I’m not ready for life in the Ultrafast lane, especially when it’s sold to me in this way by the Ultra-dodgy Nick Lane.

If you’re going to send me any more letters like this, you should change the name of your company from B.T. to B.S..

Craic on!

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