Blame Storming

02Jun18

Fat kid

Why are your kids so fat?

Before I reveal the answer, let me just put your mind at rest, it’s not YOUR fault because this is Britain. Britain is the greatest country on earth because when you live here, NOTHING is your fault.

If you can’t find a job, it’s because of immigration, if you can’t give up smoking it’s because the National Health Service stop smoking services is rubbish and if you’re fat, well you’re spoilt for choice there.

According to the media, you’re fat for lots of reasons including, two-for-one offers at the supermarket, junk food commercial, labels on food and my favourite, you’re fat because your doctor is fat.

Don’t worry, it’s got nothing to do with you eating too much and not getting enough exercise. This is Britain remember, where NOTHING is YOUR fault.

This week, we were told why your kids are so fat. It’s got nothing to do with you feeding them too much fatty food and sugary drinks and driving them everywhere. No, they’re fat because of Tony the Tiger, the Milky Bar Kid and the Honey Monster.

The health and social care select committee has called for a ban on “brand-generated characters or licensed TV and film characters” in attempt the tackle childhood obesity.

The TV chef, Jamie Oliver, told the committee that cartoons and superheroes should not be used to “peddle rubbish” and warned Theresa May to act now as “the future of the NHS is at stake”.

Now just wait a minute Jamie! Why are you so keen to blame cartoon characters?

I grew up with the Milky Bar Kid, Tony The Tiger and the Honey Monster and when I was a kid, we were all skinny. There were two reasons for this. First of all, none of our mothers knew how to cook. We ate brown chips, fried in oil that had been re-used in the same pan for years. We changed the oil in the cortina more often than we changed the oil in the chip pan. These chips would be served up with something as unappetising as cold corned beef. It was cold because it had come out of a tin days earlier and had been stored between two plates in the fridge.

The second reason we were all skinny was school meals. We were served liver that looked like it was made by Dunlop, peas that could have been used as ammunition followed by a desert of frogspawn.

When the food you’re given is almost inedible you don’t tend to eat much.

Around twenty years ago, along came Jamie Oliver. With his TV show and books, he’s taught young mums how to cook meals that are actually tasty. And he didn’t stop there, he went on to campaign for better school meals.

Now, according to official figures, school meals are so good that a third of children are overweight or obese by the time they leave primary school!

Jamie Oliver is the reason your kids are so fat!

Craic on!

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