Dead Wrong



Spend any amount of time with my family and you’ll feel like you’re in a sitcom.

I’ve just spent two weeks with them in the North West. Last week, I called my uncle Norman to set up lunch. On the phone he told me that my mother’s cousin, Agnes had died.

I rang my mother and told her the bad news. The next night, I was round at my aunty Hazel’s and I told Hazel that I’d told my mother about Agnes. Well it turns out that Agnes is NOT DEAD.

It was Agnes’s HUSBAND, Derick, who had died, NOT Agnes. Norman had got mixed up! Luckily my mother called Hazel straight after talking to me and Hazel put her straight.

I’m just glad my mother phoned Hazel straight after she’d spoken to me and didn’t call Agnes’s house hoping to offer condolences to Derick. If Agnes answered the phone, that would have been a conversation that Carla Lane could have written!

Mum – “Hello, is Derick there?”,

Agnes – “Who is this?”

Mum – “It’s Olive, I was Agnes’s cousin”,

Agnes – “What do you mean WAS?”

Olive – “Who’s this?”

Agnes – “It’s me, Agnes”,

Mum – “Oh hello Agnes, I thought you were dead!”

Agnes – “No I’m not dead!”

Mum “Oh that’s a relief!

            …How’s Derick?”

Craic on!

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