Paying Royalties

18May16

In Britain we have nationalised celebrities.

These are people who are paid by the taxpayers to be famous. They do all of the things that privately funded celebrities do, like living in huge houses, riding in expensive vehicles and attending lavish banquets and gala openings. Our nationalised celebrities are experts at waving. We call them the “Royal Family”.

Unlike celebrities in the private sector, the Royals don’t have an act. Private celebrities, sing, dance, kick, throw, hit, act, write or play musical instruments. Private celebrities do PR stunts to get publicity but their public relations work is done in addition to their actual work. The British Royals don’t have any work to do so they spend all of their time on publicity stunts. This usually involves a charity. Although they don’t give any money to the charities they endorse, not even after death. Britain’s most loved and most famous royal, Princess Diana didn’t leave a penny to any of the charities she used for self-promotion.

Our nationalised celebrities are incredibly powerful. They even have the power to turn private celebrities into de facto royals with a thing called the Honours List. Private celebrities are given titles including lord, lady, knight, dame, OBE, MBE, CBE etc.. The Honours system only gives out minor titles though, no one is allowed to become a king, queen, prince, princess, duke or earl, unless they marry a royal. The Royals keep the best titles for themselves and give them out to members of their own family, usually before they’re born.

Everyone in Britain loves the royal family, which is good because we’re paying for them.

Craic on!

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