Large Scale Problem


Where have all the skinny kids gone?

Data from the Health Survey for England shows that 31.2% of children aged 2 to 15 are classed as either overweight or obese. Why is that?

I was a skinny kid, most of my mates were skinny kids. We were all scrawny because compared to today’s kids, we ate less and moved around more. That was because food was not that big a deal to us.

There were only two things that mattered back then, watching television and playing out.

We were able to watch television without being exposed to shows about food. There were only TWO celebrity chefs; Fanny Cradock and the Galloping Gourmet. Only your mother watched them! If your mum did try and replicate what she’d seen on TV, her efforts never came out the same. To be fair though, my mum did serve us some rissoles once that looked like Fanny’s.

Watching telly back then was also a physical activity. To change channels you had to get up out of your seat, walk across the room and push a button. You’d dive behind the couch to hide from the monsters on Dr Who and you would rhythmically hit a younger sibling in time to the theme tune to all of your favourite shows. Blue Peter and the Banana Splits inflicted the most pain.

As soon as a particularly good show like Thunderbirds or Captain Scarlet had finished, all the kids in the street would run outside and act out the entire show, even in the winter when a balaclava on backwards transformed you into Spider-Man.

Mealtimes were no fun at all, just boring. Mum’s cooking was ordinary (Fanny and Graham Kerr never really rubbed off), we almost never ate out and school dinners were horrible.

Now we live in different times, you can’t turn on the TV without seeing someone sautéing, flambeing or puréeing. It’s a constant stream of Ready Steady Can’t Cook, Won’t Dine With Me, Bake Off, Master Chef, Kitchen.

The reason we have fat kids now is because of celebrity chefs. I’m looking at you; Gordon, Ainsley, Nigella, Heston, Mary and the rest but most of all you Jamie!

Jamie Oliver, the mockney Naked Chef (who never actually appeared naked by the way) has turned food into an obsession. He’s made the chore of preparing food look like fun! Cooking shows have replaced entertainment. Not only that, he’s actually made food taste good and has got mums the length and breadth of the country buying his cook books and making delicious meals at home!

His biggest crime is making school dinners edible.

Now look at the size of British kids!

The sinister thing about Jamie Oliver is that he’s become very powerful. When he’s not causing childhood obesity, he’s busy cozying up to politicians and getting them to place the blame elsewhere. His latest recipe involves putting the government in a pressure cooker until they introduce a sugar tax!

Unless Jamie Oliver is stopped, within the next ten years, skinny kids will be extinct.

Craic on!

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