Porsche Comes to Shove


I never liked Porsche, I always preferred Jaguars. Then about three years ago, something changed. Maybe it’s an age thing, Porsches started to talk to me.

Just before Christmas, driving home from work in my Mazda, I noticed a basalt black 2005 Porsche Cayman S on a car lot in Hitchin. The car seduced me, it’s doe-eyed face and sly grin beckoned me to pull over and have a closer look. A few weeks later I drove the Cayman off the lot, I now owned my first Porsche. Then everything started to go wrong.

I gave a friend a lift in the car and the next day they lost their job. Another friend who’d been in contact with the Porsche split up with her boyfriend. I drove the car to my parent’s house in the North West, a few days later, my mother collapsed running for a bus and ended up in hospital. Meanwhile the car was using oil at a rate of one litre for every 300 miles. I kept taking it back to the dealer, who changed the oil, fitted a new oil/air separator and monitored the oil consumption.

I was convinced that the car was evil. I did some research and I learned that Porsche was founded in Germany in 1931 by Ferdinand Porsche. One of the first assignments the new company received was from the German government to design a car for the people. This resulted in the Volkswagen Beetle. The car was actually commissioned by Adolf Hitler! Ferdinand Porsche was a Nazi and in 1942, he reached the rank of SS-Oberführer. During the war, Ferdinand was decorated with the SS-Ehrenring and awarded the War Merit Cross. After the war he was imprisoned in France as a war criminal.

Porsche have made millions of fine cars over the years and there are millions of satisfied Porsche owners. Porsche cars have excited and delighted people and taken them on the journeys of their life. That kind of makes up for the fact that the company wouldn’t exist without the Nazis. Is it possible that the latent evil that brought to company into existence has laid dormant somewhere in their factory and one day decided to attach itself to what became my Cayman S?

Eventually, after I’d done 1800 miles, used over a gallon of oil and ruined the lives of people close to me, an inspection showed that number six cylinder was scored. The engine needed to be re-built at a cost of around half of what the car was actually worth. I took it back and got a full refund.

Know where I can find a low mileage Jag?

Craic on!

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