Till Death Us Do Fart

11Aug13

“Inappropriate places to break wind” was the phone-in topic on the Billy Butler show on BBC Radio Merseyside yesterday. As you can imagine, the callers were hilarious. We were listening as we drove to my cousin Victoria’s wedding.

Victoria married her new husband Richard in the church where her mum and dad, my auntie Hazel and Uncle Ian, had got married in 1970 (I was at that wedding too, age five). Liverpool Parish Church of Our Lady and St Nicolas is just across the road from the Royal Liver Building. It’s a great place to become man and wife because on top of the Liver Building is Liverpool’s most famous couple, the mythical Liver Birds. Part eagle, part cormorant, Liver Birds have been used to represent Liverpool since medieval times. These two 18 ft high, copper versions have roosted, three hundred feet about the Pier Head since 1911. According to local legend, they are male and female. The female faces the river looking out for a glimpse of a mast or wisp of smoke from a funnel, that indicates weary mariners are returning safely home to their loved ones. The other, the male, looks inland towards the city, to see if the pubs are open.

You probably remember The Liver Birds as the name of a sitcom from the 70s. It was written by Carla Lane and is the story of two single young women who shared a flat in Liverpool. The show included a lot of stories that featured the girls’ extended families. In the 80s Carla wrote another sitcom about an extended Liverpool family called ‘Bread’. My wife Julie watched these sitcoms growing up in New Zealand. Now every time she finds herself at a big get-together with my family, she feels like she’s in one. I suppose to an outsider, most of my family would appear to be crazy and unless you’re a natural comedian or have an encyclopedic knowledge of Liverpool Football Club, they’re not easy to impress. I’m so glad she agreed to marry me, years before she met them all.

The day was lovely, everyone was on their best behavior and it was great to catch up. The highlight for me though, could have been written by Carla Lane. At the reception, in the brief silence as we lifted our glasses to toast to the bride and groom, a loud fart rang out.

Next time you do that phone-in topic Billy, I’ve got a cracker for you.

Craic on!

Check out the latest Mack Nuggets at http://www.mackmedia.co.uk

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