Train in Vain


Travel should be fun; public transport would be a lot more fun without the public.

I’ve made the mistake of getting on a train. This never goes well and annoys me more that almost anything. The main reason I get annoyed is because we shouldn’t even have public transport in 2013, we were promised flying cars by now!

We’re nowhere near getting cars to fly, in fact you’re not allowed to get close to flying. I got caught on a speed camera last week doing 34 miles an hour in a 30 with all four wheels on the ground!

I still can’t work out how driving along an empty road in Southampton at seven in the morning on a Bank Holiday, wearing a seat belt in a two year old hybrid full of air bags with a five star NCAP safety rating is more dangerous than hurtling along a track at a hundred and twenty-five miles an hour with six hundred unrestrained people, some of them drunk and others walking down the aisle with hot drinks in either hand!

To reduce the amount of irritation, I’ve sat in the “quiet coach”. Unfortunately that’s made things even more irritating. If you are incapable of being quiet for an hour, why do you decide to sit in the “quiet” coach? People who have BOOKED SEATS IN THE QUIET COACH are talking on their phones, coughing, blowing their noses like trumpets, eating and one woman is even humming a tune to herself! I think she’s humming along to a different beat to the one I can hear, the tinny beat that’s bleeding from someone’s headphones.

Back when you could smoke on trains, you wouldn’t smoke in the “No Smoking” coach, so why is it OK to talk in the “No Talking” coach? Maybe that’s it, maybe if the stickers said, “No talking, maximum penalty £50”, then they’d shut up!

Actually, it’s not that the stickers say the wrong thing; it’s that they’re in the wrong place. Instead of sticking them on the windows, they should hand them out as you go into the “quiet” coach and if someone talks, you could stick one across their mouth. Now that would make this trip a lot more fun!

Craic on!

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