Mack’s Craic


“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”

I’ve got a bump on my head. It’s not much bigger than a zit but I went to the doctors about it anyway. She referred me to a specialist and I went to see him this week. He walked in, looked at my paperwork and declared, “You’re exactly three months older than me.” Then he added, “But you’ve got more hair.” What exactly was I supposed to say to that, “sorry”?

Talking of heads, I see that Winston Churchill is going to have his on the new five pound note. I hope this helps school children realize that Churchill was Britain’s great wartime leader and not the dog on the insurance adverts!

They’re saying that we’ll start calling these new fivers “Winnies”. I can’t see that catching on, I remember when the Duke of Wellington was on them and they said we’d be calling them “Wellies”, we didn’t. When Florence Nightingale was on them, we didn’t call them “Florences” either. I know in the United States that the twenty dollar bill is sometimes called a “Jackson” because President Jackson is on them but in this country we don’t name money after who’s on it. The closest we got was the old sixpence, which was called a “Tanner” because the artwork was designed by John Sigismund Tanner (It had nothing to do with Elsie in Coronation Street). My favorite name that didn’t catch on here was when the pound coin was introduced in 1983. Margaret Thatcher was Prime Minister and some people wanted to call the new coin a “Maggie” because it’s ‘hard and brassy and thinks it’s a sovereign’.

Anyway, back to my head. The specialist had a look at the lump and said, “I want to cut it out.” I said, “fine”. He looked at me sideways as if I didn’t understand what he’d just said. I said, “Hey, you’re the expert, if you want to cut it out, go ahead”. Then he said, “You know, we’ll have to shave that part of your head”. I said, “You’ve got a real THING about me having more hair than you, haven’t you?” He didn’t laugh.

Anyway, I’m glad Winston Churchill will be on the new five pound note. If it wasn’t for him Germany would be running Europe now… Oh, wait a minute….

Craic on!

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