Mack’s Craic

Dim Wit!

Dim Wit!

Dimmer switches annoy me. They’re a device that stops lights from working properly. Nowadays lights are all compact fluorescents so they don’t work as well as real light bulbs anyway. Why would you dim something that’s already dim? My car has a dimmer switch on the dashboard light! I have never been dazzled by my dashboard! The dimmer switch is there to solve a problem that never existed!

I’ll tell you what else annoys me, the steel box built around the toilet roll in public toilets. For over a hundred years, toilet roll was dispensed on-demand by the simple toilet roll holder. Now you can’t get any more that one sheet of paper at a time. And it’s not like they save paper, you still use the same amount, it just takes longer!

While I’m talking about public toilets, hot air hand driers in fast food places annoy me as well. They don’t dry your hands, they just deafen you. Have the people that make these machines got any idea how jarring that noise is in an echoey fast food restaurant toilet? It’s not what you want to hear just after a peaceful unburdening. And they don’t work! They sound like a Rolls Royce RB211 jet engine but what comes out feels like an old lady breathing on you! Have they been “dimmed”? Was it to stop E-Coli and Staph bacteria being spread around the washroom as an aerosol? That’ll happen anyway because you end up shaking your wet hands before eventually drying them on your clothes. How hygienic can that be? Well I refuse to use them now. I just go out into the restaurant, grab some napkins and dry my hands on them. I say grab SOME because those napkin dispensers are specially designed to either give you half a ripped napkin or fifty of them!

The thing that annoys me most though is double doors. There was a time when I would ask myself, why do I always push the wrong door? But now I say, “Why has someone locked one of these doors?” A highly paid architect has decided THIS entranceway needs to be two doors wide but someone has decided the architect is wrong and has bolted one of the doors shut. What POSSIBLE advantage is there in locking one of the doors? If it’s a carpeted doorway, you’ll wear the carpet out quicker on the open door side. And what about the airlock set of two double doors where they’ve locked the diagonally facing opposite door on each side creating the double door airlock chicane? Of course you don’t know that going in and since the handles have been designed so you can’t tell if you’re supposed to push or pull, you end up pushing and pulling on each of the four doors in turn until through a process of elimination you crack the code.

I’ve had enough, so now I fight back. When I get to a set of double doors that has one locked, I unbolt the locked door at the top and the bottom so they’re both open. I’m a double-door vigilante, an incandescent light bulb in a world of compact fluorescents that have been dimmed!

Craic on!

Listen every Sunday morning 8 till 12 – 106 Jack FM

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