Mack’s Craic


Julian Whatshisname

Why can’t journalists all decide to pronounce “Julian Assange” the same way? On the TV news, the host will call him Julian “Asonge” (rhymes with blancmange), then cross live to the Ecuadorian Embassy in London where the reporter on the spot will call him Julian “Assange” (rhymes with flange), then they’ll interview an expert on diplomatic affairs who’ll pronounce it as a hybrid of the two so it comes out sounding like “Asshenge”. It would only be “Asshenge” if he was named after an ancient circle of naked bottoms on Salisbury Plain where druids worship the moon.

Don’t get me started on the way things are reported. We all know what’s up with Prince Philip, so can we stop saying he has “a BLADDER INFECTION”? At ninety-one years old, he deserves a little bit more respect. Every time I turn on the telly, it’s “BLADDER INFECTION”, “BLADDER INFECTION”, “BLADDER INFECTION…”! And just in case you’ve turned the sound down, “BLADDER INFECTION” shouts at you in scrolling text! It’s strange because news presenters seem to shy away from saying “Pussy Riot”. They usually describe them as, “A Russian female punk rock band” but they don’t have any qualms about saying “BLADDER INFECTION” as many times as they can! Pussy Riot missed a trick there, they should have called the band “Bladder Infection”, it’s a better name for a punk band anyway.

Wait, I just had a near miss. The TV news was on and the lady popped up in the bottom corner to translate the news into sign language. I managed to find the remote and switch it off just in time. I don’t know what the sign for bladder infection looks like, but I bet it isn’t pretty. Thank God the poor woman won’t have to sign “Pussy Riot”.

We will never know if scone is pronounced “Skonn” or “Skhone” but the Julian Assange pronunciation is easy. He’s Australian, listen to the way Ozzies pronounce, ‘dance’ and ‘chance’ and you’ll realise that Assange should rhyme with flange. If you want to keep saying “Asonge”, then you’re also going to have to start saying “flonge”, and, “BLODDER infection”.

Craic on!

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