Mack’s Craic


Just For Newt

I don’t really understand the Republican Presidential Candidate race in the United States. All I know is it looks like the winner will be either Newt or Mitt. What kind of names are they? They sound like cartoon characters! In case you can’t tell them apart, Mitt is the one that looks like the bloke on the “Just for Men” box and Newt is the one that looks like he should use “Just for Men”.

It’s been really cold lately, so cold that my parents have even considered turning down their heating from inferno to furnace. While I’m on about the weather, how come all of the weather presenters on TV are women? Women hate being wrong!  Whatever happened to the men that used to present the weather? If it’s going to be really cold and miserable, I’d prefer to hear that from a bloke but they’ve all gone. It’s a case of no more mist and ice guy!

Valentines Day this week. I always feel sorry for people who have to go to a funeral on Valentines Day. Imagine how much they have to pay for flowers! There are some bargains about though. Asda didn’t miss a trick, selling Valentines cards for 8p. Now I’m no relationship expert but I know that only spending 8p on the card guarantees a lonely Valentines Day. It’s the same thing if all you get is a text. They’re always abbreviated too; the romance disappears pretty quickly when you get something that says “Happy V.D.”

Have you seen this show “The Biggest Loser”? Could they have come up with a more insulting title? If you haven’t seen it, it’s a show where they try to get fat people to become healthy. If they really want to insult them, why don’t they just call the show, “Save the Whales”?

Tensions are rising in the Falkland Islands between Britain and Argentina. They reckon it’s because 60 billion barrels of oil has been discovered nearby. What a find! And so handy that it’s already in barrels!

A new study shows that Britons are more dishonest than they were ten years ago. I’m not sure that’s true, maybe when we’re surveyed we’re just being more honest about our dishonesty.

They thought Mitt Romney was the Iowa caucus winner. Turns out after a recount, Rick Santorum won. – You know what this means? Neither do I. 

Craic to front!

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