08Jan12

Football Kit

Happy New Year! Is it two thousand and twelve or twenty-twelve?

Julie’s New Years’s resolution is to get fit. I bought her a Wii Fit for Christmas. She made me get on it and the first thing it did was check my balance. No need to do that, I know I’m £150 lighter since I bought her the Wii Fit.

The economy is still in trouble. This week, the bottom fell out of the Christmas decoration market. Some baubles are selling for less than half of what they were going for this time last month. Experts don’t expect the market to recover until the end of the year.

Mattel are hoping to increase sales by bringing out a ‘Kardashian’ Barbie doll. A lot of parents aren’t happy about that. They’re worried it’ll send the wrong message to little girls. – What, as opposed to the message the current Barbie sends which is you should aspire to be an anorexic gold-digger with plastic boobs?

I wish people would stop saying “ATM machine”. The ‘M’ in ATM stands for “machine”, you’re saying machine twice!

Research from the Prince’s Trust shows that kids without set mealtimes and bedtimes do worse at school. I spoke to some ‘do-gooders’ on the radio about this. They said it’s not the parents fault. I’m sorry but if you’re a parent that doesn’t realize it’s YOUR job to set bedimes and mealtimes, you don’t know how to be a parent.

I was involved in a bizarre discussion with a policeman outside Liverpool Football Club just before the match the other night. We drove up in Julie’s new car, which doesn’t have an actual key. It has a fob thing that you don’t stick in the dash, you just have to have it in the car with you. I only drive Julie’s car when she’s with me. She’s got the fob on her key ring so I don’t bother carrying mine. We got there about half an hour before kick-off so I dropped her off to go and pick up our tickets while I parked the car. As soon as she got out of sight, the car started beeping and “No key detected” started flashing at me. Yes, she had the key so I wasn’t going anywhere. With forty thousand people trying to make their way into the ground, the police don’t like it when you stop in the middle of Walton Breck Road behind the Kop. It took me a long time to convince the policeman that although I was the driver and had driven from Swindon to that spot in Liverpool, I couldn’t go any further because I didn’t have the keys.

I wonder if “Kardashian Barbie” comes with accessories including a video camera, a publicist and a husband that disappears after seventy-two days?

Craicy New Year!

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