Mack’s Craic

29Aug11

End of the road

We found ourselves trapped in a parallel universe on Friday. We’d been to look at a replacement for the Mackmoibile (more on that later). The car dealer is in Hatfield, just north ofLondon. It was a 70 mile trip, each way, no big deal. On the way back, we were on the M25 and I noticed the sat nav showed we were 109 miles from home. How can that be? We’ve been heading home for what feels like an hour and now we’re almost 30 miles FURTHER away than when we set off! Next thing I see a sign that says we’re heading for Dartford. I know that’s east of London so we must have got on the M25 and headed clockwise instead of anti-clockwise. The digital compass on the mirror is showing we’re heading North West. That can’t be right if we left Hatfield and are heading for Dartford, we’d be heading south. It felt like I was one of those pilots from Flight 19, lost in the Bermuda Triangle. Nothing made sense and the instruments had gone haywire. Next minute there’s a sign that says “Welcome to Kent”. How can that be? We haven’t crossed the Thames at Dartford yet! – Have you worked out what was going on? I’ll have the answer at the end of the Craic.

The Graham Mack Rock Band gig went great at Riffs. Andy and the team really looked after us. If you were there, thanks for coming, hope we raised loads of money. Next gig is on Saturday 10th September at The Woodlands Edge, Peatmoor Swindon. We’re raising money for the air ambulance at that one.

We have decided to change the Mackmobile. We’ve been destroying the planet with a diesel 4×4  for way too long now. It sounds like a tractor and every time I start it up it, I can almost hear penguins in Antarctica rasping. The new green Mackmobile won’t be here for about seven weeks so it’ll be a long goodbye to faithful old Chugaboom. We’ve been through a lot together, many trips to Anfield, two trips to Scotland, bad winters in the North East, a house move with two cats, a speeding ticket on the M62 and the night he left us stranded on the M6 in Cheshire when he needed a new engine. It’ll be an emotional goodbye. As I was driving to the sound check on Saturday, just me and him, I realized it was the first time we’d been alone together since we’d made the decision and he was now ‘dead car running’. I didn’t want to find out the Liverpool result so hit the CD button instead of the radio and the track that played was Peter Green’s  “I Need Your Love So Bad”. It’s a slow blues song and it sounded like the car was begging me not to let him go. “And when the lights are low and it’s time to go, I need your love so bad”.

Thanks for all of your “Macks Facts” that you’ve been calling into the radio show. Here’s my favorite 10 from this week:

  1. Everything is funny as long as it’s happening to someone else.
  2. The easiest way to find something you’ve lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  3. You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.
  4. People who snore, fall asleep first.
  5. When you take a dog out to do its business, the amount of time it takes is inversely proportional to the outside temperature.
  6. People aren’t thinking about you as much as you think they are.
  7. As soon as you make a hot cup of coffee, your boss will give you something to do that will take exactly the length of time it takes for the coffee to go cold.
  8. Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to paramedics.
  9. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him that bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to make sure.
  10. Whatever you are, be a good one.

Back to the disorientation on the M25. Here’s what we’d done. We were heading the right way on the M25 when we left Hatfield, anti-clockwise.  We were talking about cars and deals. The sat nav had gone silent so we missed her saying turn off on to the M4 and head west. We carried on south and then started to head North West though Kent heading for Dartford. If we’d actually crossed the Thames at Dartford it would have been quicker to keep going round until we got to the M4 turnoff again but we weren’t there yet so came off at the next junction and doubled back. Not the best Friday night out we’ve ever had.

I’ll be Craic!

Check out the Mack Nuggets at www.mackmedia.co.uk .

Listen to the Graham Mack Breakfast Show Podcast on iTunes.



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